Redefining Purpose...Again.
One of the first things I did when I started Purpose Project was learn what researchers and thinkers meant by purpose. I came across this definition:
A purpose in life represents a stable and generalized intention to accomplish something that is at once personally meaningful and at the same time leads to productive engagement with some aspect of the world beyond the self (Damon, Menon, & Bronk, 2003)
The definition suggests that purpose has three things:
Goal orientation
Personal meaningfulness
A focus beyond the self
Through Season 1 of the podcast, I saw gaps in this definition. So, I created my own definition of purpose, which is:
Purpose is a constant state of alignment between who I am, how I act, and the difference I seek to make in the world.
And, this has been the definition I've been using for nearly two years until this living inquiry into purpose took me somewhere new: Relationality.
As I've been learning about what it means to live in relationship - with other people, with nature, and with something larger than ourselves - I am realizing that my definition of purpose isn't relational. It's about me.
So I'm changing it and here's why.
A journey toward relationality
My exploration of relationality began when I started creating a relationship with the environment. This led me to feel connected with the world in a way that I have not felt before. Which peaked my interest. So, I started getting curious about how things are all connected, which took me to Suzanne Simard's book, Finding the Mother Tree.
Simard's research into forests challenges the idea that trees are in competition with each other. She shares how beneath the forest floor exists an intricate network of relationships through which trees and other plants interact, exchange resources, and support one another.
The forest isn't simply a collection of individual trees. It's a network that communicates and cooperates with each other.
Mind blown.
I became curious about the connectedness of humans, not trees, which took me to read Us by Terrence Real.
Real invites us toward us.
Not me disappearing for you.
Not you disappearing for me.
But an understanding that we exist within relationships.
I wasn't expecting to find any similarities in these two books, but that's exactly what I found.
Both are about relationship. Both are about cooperation.
The more I learn, the more I began to see cooperation and relationship as the root of what it means to be human. Humans are individuals. Yes. But, we are not isolated individuals. We exist in relationship with other people, with communities, with nature, with our families, with our workplaces, and with the larger systems of which we are a part.
We are not simply in this world. We are part of this world.
And this realization brings me back to purpose.
Is purpose really about making a difference?
My original definition included an alignment with "the difference I seek to make in the world."
Up until now, that felt right. Purpose should be about something beyond ourselves. It shouldn't simply be about figuring out what I want and then pursuing it. But, as I deepen my understanding of relationality, "the difference I seek to make" feels like it places the individual at the center.
It can subtly suggest:
I am here.
I have a purpose.
I will go out into the world and make a difference.
There is still a separation between me and the world and what I'm learning about relationality is that there isn't a clean separation between me and the world.
I'm not simply an individual who exists in the world. I am part of the world. My life affects other lives. Other lives affect mine. The natural world affects me, and I affect it. So perhaps purpose isn't about deciding what difference I want to make to the world. Perhaps it is about becoming conscious of how I am part of the whole and choosing how I want to live because of that awareness.
From impact to relationship
This has made me reconsider my purpose definition.
Originally: Purpose is the alignment between: Who I am → how I act → the difference I seek to make
I still believe all three matter, but I see it differently now.
Purpose does not require a grand contribution, a calling, a mission, or even a clearly defined impact. A life can be purposeful without changing the world.
Raising a child can be purposeful.
Caring for a parent can be purposeful.
Being a good friend can be purposeful.
Tending a garden can be purposeful.
Creating something beautiful can be purposeful.
These are examples of living in relationship.
So I'm evolving my definition...again
I suspect this won't be my final definition - that's not really the point of Purpose Project anyway - this is a living inquiry.
Here's the definition I'm exploring.
Purpose is knowing who you are, knowing what you're part of, and living like both matter.
Who you are: Purpose still begins with the self. Relationality doesn't mean losing ourselves in the collective. We have to know who we are. Our values, needs, gifts, desires, boundaries, and truths.
What you're part of: This includes the people we love, our families and communities, the natural world, our workplaces, and the larger systems that shape and sustain our lives. We don't exist independently. Who we are is shaped through relationship, and our choices inevitably affect other people. The "us" matters alongside the "me."
Living like both matter: Purpose requires bringing our understanding of ourselves and our relationships into conscious. It is about how we choose to participate in the life we are already part of. That doesn’t make purpose passive. Quite the opposite. It asks us to pay attention - to know ourselves, notice our relationships, recognize our interconnectedness, and make conscious choices about how we show up.
Purpose isn't about making our mark on the world. It is about recognizing that we are already part of it and choosing how we live in relationship with it.
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Here's a song that helps connect to this blog: Coat of Many Colors by Dolly Parton
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